​​Reader, (And neither are you.) Here’s why dropping the expert mask is your ultimate power move.

From early kindergarten days, you were taught to raise your hand, give the right answer, and earn accolades for your mastery of knowledge. But here's the problem. Carrying that “all-knowing” persona into adult life isn’t a badge of honor—it’s a fast track to burnout and emotional exhaustion.

During my time at Gap, Inc. I was promoted into my first people-management role. My story is the same as many others: 90% of my normal work hours were focused on my individual contribution (sitting in meetings, advising executives, etc.). So when I met with my team, I had to resist the urge to be transactional. Instead of talking. I spent my time with them listening. I worked on asking questions that helped them access and uncover their own wisdom and confidence. My goal was cultivating greater autonomy and independent thinking. The results were exponential. In addition to achieving the development goals I had for myself and my staff, I also had the cherry-picking of internal applicants when I had an opening on my team because people wanted to work for me. I remember feeling so honored at my going-away party when I left the company to move back to the Midwest, and one of the young HR staff members said, "I'm so sorry that you are leaving before I had the chance to join your team." I couldn't think of any greater praise.

As occupational psychologist Leanne Elliott points out on this week's episode of The Story I’m Telling Myself, in an era where AI tools generate answers in seconds, being a human “knowledge holder” is no longer where your value lies. Now more than ever, mastering critical thinking is essential, which begins when you drop the burden of fixing everything and learn to ask better questions.

3 Breakthrough Insights from Episode 75 (that's right, we're three-quarters of the way to the 100th episode)

1. The Samaritan Principle (Questions Over Advice): Volunteering on a suicide crisis hotline taught Leanne that giving advice can actually hinder healing. Volunteers were forbidden from giving solutions. Instead, by asking non-judgmental questions, they helped callers untangle chaotic emotions—like taking tangled clothes out of a spinning tumble dryer and folding them into neat, manageable piles.
2. You Can Be Right by Realizing You’re Wrong: Modern workplace pressure forces us to prioritize speed over depth. When someone challenges our perspective, our ego switches to defense mode to protect our identity. But real personal transformation happens when we hold other perspectives in high esteem and embrace the power of being wrong.
3. Helped, Heard, or Hugged: When someone comes to you to vent, stop assuming they want you to solve their life. Ask them directly: “Do you want to be helped, heard, or hugged?” If they aren’t sure, it is always heard or hugged.

Reader, I am passionate about helping people overwrite the internal narrative that keeps them stuck in the expert trap. You've earned your leadership spot by proving your technical prowess. Now it is time to level up and answer your leadership calling: develop others' capacity by being the critical-thinking partner they need.

Actionable Steps from Leanne Elliott to Shift Your Mindset Today

Step 1: Pause Your Advice Reflex. Before blurting out a fix, pause and ask: “Why is this happening?” or “What does a successful outcome look like to you?”

Step 2: Start 5-Minute Micro-Journaling. Leanne advises that to ask better questions, you need to be good at answering questions. Practice answering one self-coaching question each day to get comfortable with uncomfortable, curiosity-led thinking.

Step 3: Ask “How Do You Feel?” Instead of “What Do You Think?” Logic often covers up fear. Tapping into emotional intuition reveals hidden apprehensions that rational analysis misses.

Step 4: Give Specific, Behavioral Praise. Build genuine relationship capital by calling out the exact behaviors and empathy someone showed, rather than just praising the end result.

​Catch the full episode here or on your favorite podcast platform beginning Thursday, and be sure to share it with a friend.

And if you are ready to see this shift happen inside your organization, I have the leadership training program ready. Just hit reply and let's get on a call.

Cheers to your leadership journey and growth,

PS - Leanne Elliott is the host of one of my favorite podcasts, Truth, Lies, and Work. Be sure to subscribe.

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