My weekly emails are for you if you want a transformational SHOT OF POSITIVITY that makes you think, gets you laughing, and sparks a positive change. Start each week inspired.
3 things I'm getting wrong
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Reader Did you know happiness isn't a feeling but a state of being? My youngest is about to step into adulthood, and despite my best intentions, I'm screwing it all up. 🤦♀️ Last weekend, for the second time, I saw Dr. Arthur Brooks present this pivotal idea: If happiness is a feeling, then it comes and goes. It is ethereal.
Happy feelings are evidence of happiness, not the whole thing.
Being in a state of happiness results from the presence of these core elements in your life: enjoyment, satisfaction, and meaning. Enjoyment involves more than mere pleasure—it’s about shared experiences and lasting memories. Satisfaction arises from overcoming challenges, and meaning comes from understanding life’s coherence, significance, and purpose.
My 17-year-old daughter is about to graduate high school, and instead of feeling happy, she feels anxious and overwhelmed. Dr. Brooks reminded me that the first thing I am getting wrong is focusing on her feeling unhappy. It turns out that fluctuating between feeling happy and unhappy is part of the normal human condition. I need to worry less about how she feels and more about supporting her quest to identify what brings her enjoyment and satisfaction within her context of significance and purpose. The second penalty red flag of parenting came from Jan-Emmanuel De Neve, an author and research contributor to the 2025 World Happiness Report. Like most teenagers and young adults, 50% or more of my daughter's life is phone-based. So, after my older daughter left for college and my younger asked to eat alone at the dinner table so she could watch something on her phone, my husband and I allowed it. 🟥 Turns out that is the exact wrong thing to do, according to these findings from the 2025 World Happiness Report: Dining alone is not good for your wellbeing. People who eat frequently with others are a lot happier and this effect holds even taking into account household size. The increasing number of people who eat alone is one reason for declining wellbeing in the United States. I only have five more months until she leaves for college, but you can be sure we will gather around the dinner table every time we can. The final insight about what I am getting wrong also comes from the 2025 World Happiness Report. As my daughter prepares for college, I want to tell her to put her head down and be careful about who she lets into her inner circle. Unfortunately, this advice could have substantial negative consequences on her wellbeing. The focus of this year's report is caring, sharing, and kindness. Here are the key findings for young adults:
Early social ties during young adulthood have long-lasting effects: For university students, forming friendships in the first few weeks of college can increase the likelihood of flourishing and reduce the likelihood of developing depressive symptoms over the subsequent years.
Many young adults underestimate their peers’ empathy, leading them to avoid connecting with others and miss out on opportunities for meaningful relationships.
Interventions can bridge this ‘empathy perception gap’: Field interventions that teach young adults about the empathy and care of their community can promote social connection. Undergraduate students exposed to these interventions see others as more empathic and are more likely to make new connections and build larger social networks.
One thing I know about both of my girls is that they have incredible empathy and I need to encourage them to trust in the empathy of their peers. Reader if you are wondering why I am sharing all of this with you, here it is. Each of these ideas also apply to every workplace. We need to stop worrying about whether people are unhappy and start working on their enjoyment, satisfaction, and meaning in their work. Every employee has one meal during an eight-hour shift. How often do you find yourself or a colleague eating your sandwich at your desk while you work. We are missing a significant chance to improve our wellbeing by simply joining colleagues in the break room and engaging together over our meal. Finally, if you are complaining about the young people on your team not showing up or contributing fully, perhaps it is time to start working on connectedness and forging stronger belonging. Loneliness is like hunger. It is happening right beside us, and we can make a difference. Leaders who read the World Happiness Report and put the ideas into action have a clear advantage. Why not become one of them? You can access the report for free here. |
Rita Ernst, Positivity Influencer
My weekly emails are for you if you want a transformational SHOT OF POSITIVITY that makes you think, gets you laughing, and sparks a positive change. Start each week inspired.
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